Wednesday, October 11, 2006


That is my state today
My girlfriend, my high school sweetheart, broke up with me
I was a bit ready for it, but it was still painful
I love her so much
Yes, I was prepared to let her go if that's the best
And I have to let her go
But it's painful
It was like seeing the Los Angeles Lakers lose
Only a hundred times more painful (that's the best description I can give)
It's my first time to be brokenhearted
And I find it really painful
Hellishly painful

I call her the "Luv Of My Lyf"
She's beautiful
Her character matches her beauty
Has a good heart
But most of all, I love her'
And that what really matters
I love her for what she is

She was sorry it had to happen (me too!)
But I guess she's right to prioritize many important things and let go of me
At least, she was honest
And although she is gone, as a lover…
She's still my friend - I'm still glad of that

It's both joyful and sad when I think about the bittersweet memories we shared
I'll always love the dances we shared
The times we're together…
Especially when we go home from school
It was fun to be with her
All about her was fun
Now it's over

As to date, this is the lowest point of my life
Yes, I still have my happy and carefree nature (Thank God!)
But there's loneliness and pain in my heart
And melancholy and depression comes once in a while
I'm glad I still find sources of comfort
To be thankful and happy
Reading literature and playing music lifts my spirit when I am down
But the pain was too much…
It's been days after the breakup before I could pick up my guitar or read a book
I'm glad I can do those things now - takes a bit of the pain away
Food helps, too. Food is always there when you need it
Entertainment - yeah - will do, too
TV, PC, movies, Internet, games, jokes, fun… good things that makes you forget
And I can turn to drawing… to practice to draw again… to learn…
Writing is always good as well as therapeutic… that's what I'm doing now
And other hobbies and interest of mine might help
Might take some of the pain away… or make me forget for a while

But I'm thankful… thankful for many things
That I got the chance to meet her
That she got to be once mine, and I hers
The memories
The happiness
The inspirations and motivations
The love
I'm thankful she came into my life

I am confused why it should happen
I guess God knows best
His plan is perfect
This may look bad now… I may be down now…
But I believe the future is bright
It was God's promise
Yes, it's going to be a long time before I can recover…
Before my heart will mend
Before the pain and loneliness will disappear
Before all will be forgotten
A long time…
But I know Best Friend JC is with me… to comfort me
The Man Upstairs is looking after me
And the Holy Ghost will guide me
With Him… I put my trust…
I surrender all my worries to him… now I surrender this heartbreak to Him
The Big Guy will get me through

And as I pray each night since my girlfriend and I broke up:

I am thankful for letting me meet her
And for the love between us
It was good while it lasted
Now she's gone
I do not know why it should happen
I do not really understand
Maybe, I was so in love with her that she was beginning to be an "idol"
And I love her more than I should love you
Maybe that's why you took her away from me
(If that is the case, I am sorry, God…)
I do not know the true reason, but I put my trust in You
That You know what is the best for us
I do not know what will happen from now
I am still confused and brokenhearted
Help me to get through this heartbreak
Please, ease the pain
I might not be his boyfriend anymore, and she not anymore my girlfriend…
But she is Your daughter
And I pray You will always be with her
To guide and comfort her
Please give her the True Happiness and the True Love that you - not I - can only give
I still love her, God…
If this is a "true" one, help me to hang on
And help me to be a good friend to her
I trust in You to take care of this
I surrender this matter in Your hands
In the name of Jesus Christ, the true Author of True Love…

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