Saturday, July 11, 2009

My Lady

I met Madeleine when we were both twelve. It was on my first SEP, a summer camp, which was held on Compostela, Cebu. Of course, it was her prettiness that made me notice her; pony-tailed hair, proud stand, and a pair of eyeglasses that made her look smart. When I first saw her, at their church, I had no idea I will have the chance to talk to her. I also had no idea she was going to be a very important part of my life.

It was on the journalism club that I saw her again, and she met me. I can’t remember how we started talking. Maybe it was RD or Rodah who started it, and me and her joining in. But then, I felt, for the first time, I certain type of delight. So, we started talking. And got acquainted. And she became my first crush.

Oh, but she don’t really noticed me as i noticed her. Yeah, she laughed at my jokes and wit. Unconsciously, I think, I was trying to impress her. But I don’t think I really made an impression. However, she enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers.

Throughout the camp, we got chances to hang out and talk. I felt glad all those times. We start to get to know a bit about each other. I found her smart and charming, her beauty inside equals her beauty outside. She was interesting. I nicknamed her “4-eyes” – she didn’t mind. It was not really for teasing her, rather out of showing she was special to me because it was meant as a title, really.

It was because of her that my 4 I’s standard was born. I only get attracted to a girl if the 4 I’s standard is met: I was interested, impressed, inspired, and intimidated. Only three more girls followed after she had set my 4 I’s standard. For a long time, it was she who was my standard for the perfect girl.

There was this “mailing” system in the camp where each dorm has a “mail box.” I sent her about one or two notes, but I didn’t get anything back. I didn’t mind. On the dance night, I want to ask for a dance. But I don’t have the confidence, and besides a lot of boys was lining up for a dance. One of them was her crush – a fellow Bicolano. Who am I to pitch in?

My dormmates know I had a crush on her. So did my Bicolano companions. And so did 4-eyes, as my cousin PJ told her. She said she laughed when she heard about it. She said she didn’t believe it.

And so camp ended, and we Bicolano campers had to leave. We, Bicolanos, and Cebuanos get to be close friends. They even escorted us to the ship. And as we departed, a certain kind of burden came over me. I believe Madel, back then, don’t think I was something special. Yes, we get to be friends. But since she lives in Cebu, and I live in Albay, what kind of friendship would that be? A gap like that will not allow a very good friendship. I saw she was special. I wanted to know her more. I wanted her to exist in my life. I wanted her to see me, too, that I am different. I don’t want it to end in just one summer.

I made an effort. I texted her with my mother’s celfone (I don’t have one yet back then). She replied. And that’s where it started. We get to know more of each other, and had an expansion of all those fun conversations we had at our camp. It was the start of us getting close.

When my Bicolano friends decided to sent letters back to our Cebuano friends. I made a long letter to her. My intention was a letter for her only, but for the sake of not being too obvious, I also made letters for my other Cebuano friends. Our Cebuano friends wrote back to us. Madel’s letter to me was thick. Rather, it was not one letter, but several letters. And awesome drawings. She is the best penciler I had met. At the envelope, she wrote: “To a very special friend.” For me, that was it. The start. I knew our friendship would be indeed special.

Throughout our teenage years, we tried to keep in touch. We exchanged letters, drawings, t-shirts, and e-mails. Everytime she sent me something, I was excited and happy. And so did she, when she got something from me. At first, it was only occasional communication since I still don’t have a celfone back then. Then Friendster came and I got my own celfone. So we got to keep in touch more frequently. We get to be closer and knew each other more. Those were the times I called her “ang pinakamagayon na babaying namidbidan ko.”

It came that I fell for somebody and she became my girlfriend. Madeleine fell for somebody and got a boyfriend. But Madel occupied a special place in my heart even though I already have the LOML (the “Luv Of My Lyf” – my nickname for my high school sweetheart then). We were there for each other, talking about each other’s relationship, encouraging, and comforting each other when the break-ups happened. She got to fall again, and got another boyfriend, and I was happy for her. But it was a different case for me since LOML was special – in the first place, she reminded me a lot of Madel (Madel was my standard from the start, but LOML has surpassed them). And I learned that though I did love, I was not capable to enforce it.

Yes, Madel was my standard. My first teenage love. But I chose a different path because a relationship with her will never work. I was satisfied and happy as bestfriends, and I never regretted it. She was the first, though LOML has been the greatest (and still is). Though I am not really the type of person who likes romantic stuff, the two of them had been exceptions. Though the stories were not really happy endings, what I had with them were not entirely disappointments. Especially, with Madel. Our bond became stronger and special which a romantic relationship couldn’t have done at all.

I got to see her again in person four-years after we met in SEP Compostela. She visited my city for vacation, courtesy of her uncle and aunt. At first, we were shy of each other and she seemed to ignore me. Honestly, I was disappointed when she responded that way. But by and by, we were able to get through the shyness barrier and had good bonding with each other. The days of her stay were short, but I felt very happy during those times.

I am always worried when she starts getting hurt. Because of the physical distance, I can never really effectively perform the responsibilities of a bestfriend. I can’t defend her. I can’t hug her to comfort her. She can’t talk to me face-to-face. But I do my best when this happens.

I think the worst hurts she received was with her on-off relationship with her second boyfriend, and the final break-up. I did the best I can for her, giving advice, comforting her, and, the best, praying for her. But it frustrates me when I can’t do anything more to help her. My treating her as a specimen for my mental analysis exercises annoys her. But I was not really doing it all for my own mental stimulation, I was trying my best to read the situation to be able to give her sound advices. Maybe it was kind of cold when I treat her like I was a shrink or detective, and for that I was sorry. Again, it is frustrating when I can’t be there for her in person. But I know she’ll overcome.

Madeleine Mae Boone is a diamond. A part of God’s grace in my life. A dynamo of potentials (which she still don’t tap). She had inspired me. Granted me a certain kind of delight. Made an impact to my life. Helped me to become a better person. Helped me to excel in my talents and strengths. Made me strong. Proved me wrong in some of my cynicisms. Made me laugh. Cheered me up when I needed cheering. Amused me. An equal for me in intelligent discussions and debates. A great conversationalist. Loved me. Made me feel I am special. My critic. My prayer partner. A friend in need. My bestfriend. My Lady, as I am her Lord.

We are now different persons from the 12-year olds that met. And as our friendship started on the dawn of our teenage years, and had continued and strengthened up to the dawn of our adulthood, I believe it will endure for eternity. Berneleine best friends forever. A legendary friendship.

I always thank God for giving me you, Madz. Happy 20th Birthday.

1 comment:

***madz***dakki***nyx*** said...

i will always love you bernz
as i said you dont have to fall in love with me back....
you said it yourself that i have to fight this alone...but that's alright
i find it my joy now hehehe

you and i as bestfriens will still be the same....i promise that....
it will grow stronger, even if my feelings for you would fade away...even if i had to find some1 else to fall inlove with...and you as well...i never intend to surpass your LOML, im just being me =) as you have always been yourself(thought the not all your personalities simultaneously show them) hehehe...i find your Amalgam and the diff bernel versions fun to be with, although not all of them find me fun to be with hehehehe...ei...i can be your shrink when im in your bestfriend mode...but as i said, im really lazy hahahaha, but ive realized, i wanna thank you for being my shrink, hahaha.....because first of all, it sounds cool...1st time i heard that hahaha!!!

you would always remain as my've been a great part of what i have become right now...and will always be =)

im looking forward to it everyday and that's the reason why i always miss you...