That Was the Dumbest Battle Plan in, Like, Ever

Fans are raving about the latest episode of Game of Thrones, “The Long Night.”  But in my case, my enjoyment was undermined by two things: a.) the dark cinematography; and b.) the shockingly dumb and inefficient battle strategy that the people in Winterfell employed.

Look.  I’m no expert in military strategy.  But as a layman – and a fan of turn-based and real-time strategy PC games and grand battles – looking in, I was appalled by their lack of preparation and waste of troops.  Sure, they were greatly outnumbered, and would have been overwhelmed no matter what, but they could have considerably prolonged the inevitable or even win narrowly but straightforwardly.

My face was red in fury while watching the Winterfell allies’ strategy (or lack thereof) unfold.  At that moment, I wished Robb Stark was still around.  But come to think of it, they did have capable strategists in the Lannister brothers.  Were they too shy to point out how atrocious Jon Snow’s strategy was?  I presume Jon Snow called the shots.  Only someone like him – courageous and honorable, but had time and time again proven to have no chops as a tactician – can contrive such disastrous battle plan.

Let me air out my problems with it.  Let’s start with the obvious…

Forgetting Basic Castle Defense Tactics

Provided that Winterfell was the best place to make their last stand (I kind of doubt that), they should have employed traditional siege defense tactics.  In the first place, numbers weren’t on their side, so engaging the enemy on open space should have been out of the question from the very beginning.

If possible, a deep moat should have been dug around Winterfell.  Obstacles should have been prepared to slow the advance as direct and indirect fire cut their numbers down (more on this later).  Vats and cauldrons of tar, pitch, and oil – which would be poured on the enemy when they start scaling the walls – should have been made ready.

That Pointless Dothraki Charge

What a wasteful opening move.  It reminded me of thoughtless, callous WW I commanders who would order their troops to charge across No Man’s Land when the plain outcome was getting slaughtered (which they horrifically did so over and over and over again!).

The argument can be made that that’s how simply the Dothraki fight, and it’s impossible to ask them to do anything else.  But, seriously, you don’t think there’s a better way to use their cavalry charge than making them disposable fodder at the start?  Moreover, if Melisandre didn’t ignite their weapons, their charge wouldn’t have destroyed any wights in the first place. Meaning, if the Red Woman hadn’t come, that charge was intended to serve no purpose but to feed the Dothraki to the undead.  Stupid!

I’m not sure if it was possible with the terrain and enemy formation (couldn’t tell because, again, the episode was too dang dark), but if it was, then I would have divided them into two squadrons, kept them hidden behind the castle, and at the right time, execute a pincer movement against the enemy.

Technically, using your cavalry to shock and awe at the very start of a battle is a sound military doctrine.  But “shock and awe” is a tactic that wouldn’t apply to an undead army.  Moreover, no commander in his right mind would send in his cavalry blind.  If the Dothraki charge was going to be the opening move, then the trebuchets should have lighted the place up first with burning projectiles.

Better yet, the field should have been pre-illuminated (more on this later).

Incorrect Placement of the Artillery

Here’s a question for you: how many salvos of indirect fire was Winterfell able to launch at the enemy?  The answer is one.  One!   And why is that?  Because they moronically placed their trebuchets in front of the infantry!   That means that the only volley they were able to fire was to support the futile Dothraki charge, and once that fell apart, there was nothing protecting them from the advancing horde, so the trebuchets had to be abandoned.

Common sense simply dictates that you should place your artillery or any provider of indirect fire at a decent distance behind your frontlines.  If the trebuchets were put behind the trenches and spikes and the Unsullied (or much better yet, inside the walls, that is, if they could fit in the yard), they could have shot a couple more volleys and did more damage to the advancing undead army.

Incorrect Placement of the Infantry

Likewise, the infantry should have stood behind the ditches and the spikes from the very start.  For obvious reasons.  Obstacles should stunt enemy advance, not hinder your retreat.

Which brings us to…

Poor Preparation of the Battlefield

An advantage you have when you’re the one of being attacked is that you can set up the area of engagement to your advantage.  Other than that single tier of trench-and-spikes, the Winterfell allies fail to prepare accordingly and utilize homecourt advantage.  The field was pretty much open for the enemy to cross unopposed.

They should have prepared several layers of obstacles for the undead horde to go through.  And those should have been lighted with fire.  As we know, the wall of ignited spikes was effective in keeping the undead at bay for a while.  Now, imagine having several layers of that. 

Even if there wasn’t enough time beforehand (which I doubt) to dig that many ditches and make that many spikes, the dragons could have made layers and layers of fire walls on the field instead.

Sure, the enemy was going to extinguish and surmount those fiery obstacles eventually, but the whole point is, you would have slowed down their advance.  Plus, the flames would have allowed you to see their movements from afar.  And as they progress with difficulty through your obstacles, you can relentlessly pound them with indirect fire from your trebuchets and dragon fire from above.  Keyword: relentlessly.

That’s why it frustrated me a lot when they stopped the undead’s advance with their fence of burning spikes.  At that point, they had the chance of barraging their vulnerable, unmoving enemy with continuous projectiles and dragon fire, but instead of doing that, they just stood there like idiots, doing nothing.

Poor Use of the Dragons

The dragons were their most powerful weapons, and yet Jon and Dany made the dragons lurk aimlessly for long stretches of time.

Unless there was the danger of them getting exhausted, there was no reason why the dragons weren’t unceasingly raining down fire at the enemy.  If it was me, I would have exclusively made them hover above the castle, and then let them light up the perimeter constantly.

Conducting a “shock and awe” first strike with those dragons was also an option.  This is definitely infinitely wiser than that awful Dothraki charge.   Of course, there was the risk of getting speared down like Viserion.  But it was a risk they were totally fine of taking anyway, as seen when they finally began flying their dragons over the enemy after the horde crashed into infantry lines (To be fair, based on the scene after the failed Dothraki charge, I think Dany was ready to use the dragons right off the bat, but it was Jon who was hesitant). 

“Not Today.”

With such embarrassingly dreadful battle plan, the good guys deserve to lose this battle.  Fortunately for them, they got this stubborn, little assassin on their side… 

Give her the freakin’ Iron Throne.

WTF Is Ghost Thinking Joining That Charge?

Okay, this isn’t necessarily a failed element of the battle plan per se.  But let me end this commentary with sharing my amusement – and horror – in seeing Ghost join that charge.  He was like an eager puppy adorably trying to look badass.  Cute but dumb.

Like owner, like direwolf, I guess.