More than half a decade ago, I tried to summarize all my thoughts about love and its offshoot issues in one comprehensive essay. I was a sixteen year-old back then and those were a sixteen year-old’s thoughts. Now, I am a young adult and have a more organized – if not better – perspective on this subject matter than my teenage self. So, I decided to write this “updated” essay, to add more to the original essay or to revise or improve some of its contents. Here goes nothin’…
Is love easily analyzed or defined? No. I
don’t think so. In fact, love is
something so complex. Our viewpoint on
love varies, depending on our own unique individual encounters and
experiences. It has different
facets. It is more than an emotion. More than a concept. And there might be something more in the
saying “Love makes the world go around” than a cliché.
Let me first try to define or
conceptualized “Love” in its purest and truest form. And it’s God.
God is Love. Not only is God
loving, but God himself is Love. The
truest and purest form of Love is found in God’s nature and nowhere else. And since it is impossible to fully
comprehend God’s nature in our lifetime and present mental capabilities, then
it is therefore impossible to fully comprehend what Love really is. Only God knows. And only God can really love
purely and truly.
As humans, we are created in
God’s image. Thus, as creatures created
in God’s image, we might be able to wield some of his qualities… or, rather, to
wield POOR IMITATIONS of God’s qualities.
God loves, and we humans also love.
We have some idea of what love is, but considerably fall short on the
concept of God’s Love. Nonetheless, as
humans, we love, in our own limited and flawed ways. We have different forms of “love”. Affection to others. As comrades loyally and passionately having
each other’s backs (philia or
brotherly love). The concept of lovers (eros or romantic/sexual love). Parents’ love for their children, and vice
versa. Several form and complicated
hybrids of these forms, and within these forms, different and indescribable intensities. You can never perfectly diagram these facets
of human love. In some ways, these forms
of human love have some ingredients of nobility that gives us an idea on how
God’s love might function. People
willing to sacrifice even their lives for their friends or families. Parents lavishing their children with love even
if they’re ungrateful and selfish brats.
A lover’s readiness to give up his own happiness for the best or for the
happiness of the person he or she loves.
Etc. However, human love will
always be imperfect. Human love is
conditional. It is limited. And it always expects something in
return.
God is Love. He is the only one that has perfect idea on
what Love is, since it is who He is. And
He is the only one that can wield in perfectly.
God’s love is unconditional – no,
let me correct that – God’s love is certainly conditional… but He was the one
who fulfilled those conditions so that we can enjoy the experience and benefits
of His love . His love is more than
unconditional.
When a human loves, it is always
limited to his capabilities and strength.
Though he might want to give the most expensive gift to his loved one, but
he won’t be able to do so if he can’t afford it. He might desire to be beside his beloved
always, but it is impossible for him to have his eyes on his beloved 24/7. His weakness limits him to perfectly protect
his beloved. However, God’s omnipotence
and sovereignty assures that His love can’t be limited. Nothing or no one can frustrate His love. If He wants to give someone He loves a
particular gift, He is able to give it.
He is able to be by His beloved’s side always. And His protection is absolutely perfect.
With God’s love being
unconditional, He does not need anything in return. We have nothing to give in return for His
love anyway. Love God back or not, God
will remain as He is. Though, whoever
God gives his love to, he or she can’t help but to love God back.
And only those that saw and
experienced God’s love can truly wield love… or, at least, as close as a human
can on truly wielding love (since, again, only God can truly love). God’s love has never been more expressed when
His only Son was incarnated in this world.
The Latter brought and taught outlandish concepts such as “loving your
enemies” and “turning the other cheek.”
And then He was humiliated, tortured, and crucified on the cross. All that He endured out of love. To save His children from Hell, He had undergone
Hell for himself. So, that they can
reconcile with His Father and to enjoy experiencing being Truly Beloved. Take note that He is not obliged to do
it. His being God will not be lessened
if He didn’t do it or be increased if He did.
He just did it out of love.
Those people who Jesus died for –
people who encountered and received what True Love is – will have their hearts filled
with love and gratitude to God, ready to do anything for Him. They would be enabled to carry on the
outlandish concepts he taught like “loving your enemies” and “turning the other
cheek”, because they love God and want to please him and because God’s own love
itself is overflowing through them.
Again, only those that have been Truly Loved can truly love. To love the unlovable. To wield the kind of love that the Apostle
Paul wrote in the famous Love Chapter (1 Corinthians 13 to those who are not
aware of their Bible). It’s not as
perfect as God’s, but it’s the closest thing we humans are able to truly love.
Human love per se in all its
forms – romantic, brotherly, parental, etc. – are flawed and, in a sense,
selfish. But combined with this
God-given Love, only then they become special.
Now from this point, let me
concentrate on humans’ – or, at least, the recent generations’ – most favorite
kind of love (thanks largely to Shakespeare and pop culture): romantic love (eros).
Why is it the most favorite?
Maybe because it is the most fun.
And also most natural, since human physiology is a main reason of its
being. God created us to be attracted to
the opposite sex, and our biological make-up ensures that we do. So romantic feelings are mostly because of
chemicals pumped by the body. Is it more
than that? The answer is a complicated
“Yes” and “No.”
Let’s look at the “No” aspect
first. I had already argued in a past essay that romantic love is the same all over – different types of attraction, different intensities, but same emotions.
Emotions that are mostly triggered because of the God-designed bodily chemicals. And when the chemicals wear off, the
emotional high also wears off. So, at
this sense, romantic love is nothing more than God-designed bodily chemicals.
It gets complicated because of
the “Yes” aspect. As I’ve mentioned in
the past paragraph, these emotions (of romantic love) are mostly triggered by
chemicals. BUT these chemicals are
(definitely) triggered by external stimuli.
Usually, we “fall in love” because several factors or conditions are
favorable in a “butterfly effect” (review your Chaos Theory if you are
unfamiliar with the term) way rather than the person per se – though, he or she
is of course a major factor, but just not the sole factor. Given a favorable person in a favorable
setting in a favorable time in a favorable circumstance (and other favorable
applicable variables), getting attracted or “falling in love” happens. And when the conditions
become unfavorable – i.e. long-distance, revelation of dark secrets, external
(outside of the two parties) variables, found someone better, etc. - we “fall
out of love.” Emotional high wears
off. Romantic love all depends on how fast and hard the chemicals that make us “fall in love” can be stimulated by the conditions or external stimuli, and how long the conditions or external stimuli can sustain the emotional high. E.g. a girl might have “fallen in love” with a boy, because he came as a “knight in
shining armor” during the loneliest part of her life. That’s why we “fall in love” and “fall out of love” a few or several times in our lives (until we fall in love for final time, but I am getting ahead of myself). And the intensities on each time are
different, depending on the variables present. E.g. a boy might have “fallen in love” with a girl, but due to their young
age, the intensity is mere infatuation. Yup, romantic love occurs and has different
intensities due to complex sets of conditions.
I am not saying that there is no
such thing as “One True Love” or soulmate or Mr. Right or Ms. Right. Indeed, I believe that God destines two
people to be together. It happens not
only because of favorable conditions that make them “fall in love”, but because
of PERFECT conditions. And since it is perfect,
there will be no emergence of “unfavorable conditions” (even if it appears to
be as such) that would make them “fall out of love”. Perfect person in a perfect setting in a
perfect time in a perfect circumstance – made possible because of the Master
Matchmaker. The intensity of this
romantic love would lead to marriage.
As much as one can, fight the
feeling of romantic love, never yield to it.
Since if it’s true or too strong anyway, it will break through in the
end; it will overflow from the heart.
People who allow themselves to “fall in love” easily, who rush into
their decisions, become “romantic love junkies”, people who actually “fall in
love with falling in love” rather than “falling in love with someone.” They “fall in love” just for the sake of
“falling in love”. They rush to “fall in
love”. Since it is rushed, it is likely
that the conditions will become unfavorable, and when they do, these people get
their heart broken. To fill the pain,
they would be in a rush to “fall in love” again. And will get their heart broken again. And so on.
Junkies indeed. So sad. “There are many people who believe in serial
love, loving one person after another,” as Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago (the
most entertaining senator in Philippine history) mused, “I don’t think it is
good for our mental health.”
I always believe that when you
get your heart broken, you have nobody to blame but yourself since it is you
who allowed yourself to fall in love. So
as much as one can, fight the feeling and never yield until the feeling breaks
through. At least, by that, when you indeed
fall in love with someone, you can be sure that you fell in love hard, that you
can’t help it now but to go all in, risking even heartbreak, since, as a
favorite quote of mine goes, “[Falling in] love is giving someone the power to
destroy you, but trusting them not to.”
When that time comes – a time when you are willing to risk it all – you would
see every girl (or boy, if the reader is a girl) paling in comparison to her
(or him). You would feel uncomfortably
incomplete without her. You would be
oblivious to the rest of the world when you’re with her. You don’t care about anything anymore but to
be with her. There will be nothing or
nobody else better or more important. This
type of falling in love is what Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago means when she
said, “It’s like measles, you know. You
only get it once in your lifetime and you are immune forever.” This is falling in love for the final time…
the good kind of falling in love since it is true.
This usually leads to
marriage. I used to roll my eyes on
marriage. That’s when I knew nothing
better. Then I learned that in marriage
is where human love as a lens to have a glimpse on God’s
love is at its best. With the passage in Ephesians
5:25-30 (read it if you aren’t familiar with it. It’s just beautiful), we can see how marriage
was used as an analogy – the most perfect analogy possible – for Christ’s own
love for His Bride (the Church). Before,
since I was a kid, I never thought of myself as someone that would eventually
marry. Maybe it was a possibility that I
would, but I never entertained the thought.
“I will never marry. It is more
advantageous to be a bachelor,” were my usual words. But after really seeing how special marriage
can really be, now, maybe for the first time in my life, I start to really like
getting married someday. To have someone
hand-in-hand in the journey for True Happiness that is only found in Him. To live out the analogy that would make me
feel and appreciate greatly the greatness of God’s love.
But I also believe that you don’t
need to romantically fall in love to get married. Some couples even fall in love only when
they’re already married; learning to love each other after getting married. Romantically falling in love before marrying
is a convenience of modern times that the majority enjoys. Historically, marriage is not always because
of so. Marriages get prearranged. There were times that a couple would see each
other for the first time on the wedding day itself. But these marriages, surprisingly, work. Ironically, more often than not nowadays,
those however that married because solely of romantic feelings have marriages
that aren’t successful. Mostly because
these marriages are selfish and not God-centered. But, I believe, that even without romantic
love, a marriage will be successful if there is the kind of love Christianity
has (which I already talked about many paragraphs ago) in it. At some point of the marriage, the “favorable
conditions” that brought the couple to “fall in love” might even
disappear. But the marriage will be
sustained because of the Christian love they have for God and each other. But, of course, the best marriages are those
that have both the high of romantic love AND the God-centeredness of Christian
love. And we have to be thankful that
falling in love before marrying is of fashion nowadays instead of prearranged
marriage. I, for one, am thankful for
such convenience.
I still can’t talk much about
marriage because I am yet to experience.
So I leave it at that.
In fact, I think I’ll leave this
essay at this. This “upgraded” essay on
“Love... and the Related Topics” is long enough already. A Part 3 might be written in another half a
decade – give or take a few years. Maybe
I would have more ideas or understanding about the topic at hand by that
time. Who knows, I might even be married
already at that point.
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